Diversity Equity Inclusion & Belonging - June 13, 2025

Perspectives on Pride

by Michael Milano & Diane Ullius, Goodwin House Bailey’s Crossroads Residents

June is Pride month, a time celebrating lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people, plus queer, intersex and asexual people (LGBTQIA, or sometimes LGBTQIA+).

But why June? The first Gay Pride Liberation March happened in New York City in June 1970. That march commemorated the Stonewall Rebellion on June 28, 1969, which started at a small bar in Greenwich Village when patrons decided to fight back against the police who frequently came to arrest them on cross-dressing and other charges. It is clear that transgender activists of color helped lead the days of ongoing protests that followed.

The Gay Liberation movement, as it was called, learning from activists for civil rights, women’s liberation and the student antiwar movement (in the Vietnam era), spread countrywide. Washington, D.C. saw its first Gay Pride event in 1975: a block party near Dupont Circle with 2,000 participants. By 2024, the weeks-long celebration of D.C.’s Capital Pride saw 600,000 attendees. For World Pride 2025, millions of visitors are expected here between mid-May and the end of June. Be sure to watch for events at Goodwin House Alexandria (GHA), Goodwin House Bailey’s Crossroads (GHBC) and The View Alexandria (TVA).

In the section below, we share some of our personal experiences as members of the LGBTQIA+ community:

What are some of the gifts that have come to you from being lesbian or gay?

Diane: The first and greatest gift of finally coming out as a lesbian in my early 30s, after 10 years of internal struggle, was an explosion of truth. From years of “knowing” that I had to hide my feelings, my thoughts and my self, to realizing that I could no longer live a lie, I found that expressing my true lesbian nature made me suddenly free. If someone had a problem with my being lesbian (and some did, including my mother), well, that was their problem. I didn’t have to make it mine. I admire the courage of all who have come out, to whatever degree, and I’m proud to be one of that number.

The second gift was a burgeoning career. From my early 30s all the way to my retirement in 2014, every professional job I had (as well as all the volunteer work) came directly or indirectly from my connections in the LGBTQIA community. Every single one.

Michael: The first gift was humility. I don’t think I trust anyone who calls themselves “humble.” However, a few years ago I heard a speaker answer the question “How do you define humility?” He said, “Humility is remembering that whatever I accomplish, I do not do it on my own. I do it on the shoulders of those who came before me.” As a gay man I am able to be who I am because those ancestors upon whose shoulders I stand spoke their truth and worked to create a world with room for people like me.

I stand on the shoulders of my siblings who fought against repression at Stonewall, those who founded and followed the courageous and revolutionary ACT UP movement and those who began the first national AIDS movement. I stand on the shoulders of my brothers and sisters who died of AIDS, and all they taught me as a young man surrounded by way-too-young death. And I stand on the shoulders of countless straight allies who helped us long before it became fashionable to do so.

I stand on the shoulders of my husband, Wayne Sartis. He is strong, he is kind, and he teaches me how to be gay.

Finally, I am humble because of my friends and heroes Robert and Martin. When I was coming out, a friend took me to a holiday party at Robert and Martin’s home. I was 26 years old and all I knew of the gay life didn’t include happy endings. At their home, there was a majestic Christmas tree, great food, interesting and funny people…and so much love. There was no division between gay and straight people. Robert and Martin have been a couple for 50 years. They showed me I could craft a life for myself that I could not have imagined without a lot of shoulder standing.

My second gift is that as an advisor, I have become a “midwife” (figuratively speaking!) for what is begging to be born in individuals and in organizations. That has been my life’s work, personal and professional. I know the pain and frustration of a secret that actively resists being born.

More than 40 years ago, I participated in a weekend retreat during which we all wrote mission statements for our lives. I still have the same mission: “to co-create sacred space, space where people really tell and really hear their stories in order to come to know the voices of their inner teachers.” I have sought to build my life as a listener who knows that there is a story behind the story. There is something wanting to be born for each of us. As a “midwife”, I accompany people giving birth to these stories.

How do I know that? I know it because I am gay; because I hid what was trying to be born in me for so long. It was exhausting, and it undermined my integrity. Yet I was terrified to let out my truth, truth that has become the love and animator of my life.

My clients have called me a healer. I like to think of myself as “a midwife without the screaming”!

What is it like to live as an out gay man or lesbian at Goodwin House Bailey’s Crossroads?

Diane: I’ll confess that when my wife, Rhonda Buckner, and I were first exploring GHBC, we asked earnestly about the situation for gay and lesbian people here; we had no intention of hiding or lying, of living in a place where we might have to creep back into the closet. Don’t laugh! In some other places, it does happen. A gay or lesbian elder may, in some cases, reasonably fear being bullied or ignored or even mistreated. Reassured by the answers we received here and by the first GHBC Pride parade we experienced in 2021, we made the leap. We haven’t been sorry. For us, being out and proud lesbians at GHBC is our duty and our pleasure.

We’re active, we take on responsibility and we are recognized as a couple. Don’t get me wrong: even some who know us will still ask, “How’s your friend?” or “your roommate?” I might or might not correct them. But when we tell anyone we’ve been together 44 years, married for 19, the response is always congratulations and joy. And why not? To be sure, the process of coming out continues: Every new arrival is someone I potentially need to orient. Presuming heterosexuality, someone might innocently inquire about my “husband,” and every time I get to correct them gently: “My wife, Rhonda.”

It’s surely different for unpartnered lesbians or gay men: There’s not the visual cue of being seen nearly always in the same person’s company, nor the automatic plural, “Oh, we did such-and-such yesterday.” And then there are queer people. When Michael and I and our spouses were coming out in the 70s, and before, queer was mostly a label applied by others, a label of judgment and mockery. As time went on, it came to be a term that we adopted for ourselves, almost defiantly, within the community. June should probably be called Queer Pride Month! It’s a term I can happily accept, though not what I usually call myself. Today, it’s largely the young people who call themselves queer, and the term is broadly used by people who prefer not to identify as either male or female (nonbinary), as well as by many who might also go by gay or lesbian. Be aware, though, that if you aren’t queer yourself, you probably shouldn’t use the term.

Michael: I echo what Diane said about early hesitation over coming to a place like GHBC where we are very clearly a minority. Wayne and I knew we would never go back to editing our lives and passing. So, we took the leap, and here we are.

Goodwin Living not only does not ask us to edit our lives. It welcomes Wayne and me as spouses, though as Diane said, we occasionally get asked about our “friend.”

We do not want to be tolerated. We want to be where we are valued, integral parts of a diverse community. Goodwin Living doesn’t just welcome us, it does to us exactly what it does to everyone else—tries to get us on committees! If you need proof, Wayne is the coordinator of the Bocce Ball players!

A story we love: another gay couple here, Bruce and Pete, are owned by Sky, their gorgeous golden retriever. Seven times Wayne and I have been leaving the Jefferson Dining Room when we have been asked, “How is Sky?” Oops…wrong gay guys! We kid about “all looking alike.” However, what we know is that there is love and inclusion behind that mistaken identity.

GHBC is home, and although we are small in numbers, there could not be a better home!

Beyond Our Personal Experience: What Matters?

Although coming out as a lesbian or gay man or bisexual has become easier in the past 40 or 50 years—especially in urban areas and liberal enclaves—the process for transgender individuals is still far from comfortable. Even the LGBs (lesbian, gay, bisexual) sometimes struggle with how to accept and welcome the Ts (transgender).

But look at their courage! Imagine what it must be like to admit—to yourself first, and then eventually to others—that you feel certain you were born in the wrong body and that something must change. For some, this sense shows up in preschool; for some, the realization comes only after years of living as a heterosexual; maybe after raising a family; or aging into their 40s, 50s, even 60s. Imagine voluntarily undergoing major hormone therapy and surgery, which some trans people do in order to have a body that aligns with their sense of self. Imagine perhaps losing family, friends, and your job as a result. Imagine the threats to your physical and psychological safety that are possible every day. Imagine knowing that, after all this, you get to be part of a group that is less than one percent of the U.S. population and is nonetheless targeted as a threat to American society.

So, friends, thank you for understanding and supporting the gay and lesbian and queer people in your midst. Thank you also for understanding and supporting the bisexual, intersex and asexual individuals as well, who may be less easily recognizable and certainly aren’t writing this article. Thanks for sticking up for us. Keep doing it! Do the same for the transgender people you may or may not know. Use your imagination. And next, especially in the current political climate: Stand up. Speak out. Write to your representatives. Send a letter to the editor. Talk back when you have the chance. Help us to support, honor and uplift all of your LGBTQIA siblings.

As we always say, “We’re here. We’re queer. Get used to it.”

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Goodwin Living DEIB Committee: Statement of Purpose: Educate, Embrace and Empower team members, residents, members* and all served by Goodwin Living to support Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Belonging.

Goodwin Living DEIB Committee Desired Outcome: The Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Belonging Committee (DEIB) will seek open and honest communication and collaboration that will inform and celebrate the age, culture, ethnicity and sexual orientation of team members, residents, members* and all served by Goodwin Living without bias.

*Members include Priority Club members and Goodwin Living At Home. Questions or comments? Please contact us DEIB@GoodwinLiving.org